Women Are People Too

What’s Sex Got to Do with It? (SSIR)

Wed, 11 Jul 2012 10:52:09 -0500

girls’ education can’t just be about school. it has to be about empowerment and self-determination!

Brave

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 22:08:51 -0500

I stopped shaving my legs over 10 years ago. I’m a feminine-presenting woman, and still…STILL, I have to steel myself to go out in some public spaces with my hairy legs showing. And this simple internal conversation I have to have, where I convince myself that it’s OK to wear shorts or a skirt, no matter how many funny looks I’ll get, is my proof that the patriarchy is real, harmful, and pervasive.

Tell me again how #feminism is unnecessary??

Sat, 09 Jun 2012 11:25:21 -0500

Acid attacks on the rise in Columbia.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-18246717

Egyptian women, protesting sexual assault in Tahrir Squarre, are sexually assaulted.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/jun/09/egyptian-women-protesters-sexually-assaulted

Greek political candidates come to blows…man throws water in woman’s face, another woman swats the man’s arm with a newspaper in defenses of first woman, and the man 1.slaps the second woman’s face, then 2. Punches her in the face twice with a closed fist.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/video/2012/jun/07/greek-golden-dawn-mp-hits-opponent-tv-video?intcmp=239

But other than THAT, sure…women enjoy full equality, safety and global freedom.

The Patriarchy is dead. Long Live the Patriarchy!

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 15:13:35 -0500

The Patriarchy is dead. Long Live the Patriarchy!:

“let’s hurl some acid”

!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

dorothy-snarker: America the Beautiful.

Fri, 11 May 2012 22:24:26 -0500

dorothy-snarker:

America the Beautiful.

Skinner = Stronger?

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 22:25:00 -0500

Skinner = Stronger?:

I try really hard, REALLY hard, not to either judge or compliment women based on their weight. At all. Ever. Our weight has n.o.t.h.i.n.g to do with anything that matters. ANYTHING. Nothing to do with our work, our beauty, our worth, our intelligence…. I don’t even generally make supporting small talk with co-workers or friends who talk about needing to lose weight. I don’t want to ‘feed’ into the diet industrial complex.

Jennifer Hudson looks amazing.
She has ALWAYS looked amazing.

Don’t you remember? Three years ago, we all thought she was bangin’.

The reality is, Then and now, she’s got stylists and artists helping her look completely gorgeous.

But she doesn’t look any more beautiful, and she is certainly not any BETTER, because she weighs less than she did a couple of years ago. She may have grown emotionally since then, become physically stronger because of working out more regularly, and she may even be a better person than she was then!

But it’s not because she’s skinnier.

And it just plain pisses me OFF, that these commercials imply exactly, and only, that. I do not accept that Skinner = “better” and “happier”. Health depends on so much more than weight, and I resent the constant barrage of messages, ESPECIALLY those couched in “empowerful” terms like “Believe in yourself,” that say I should be worrying about my weight to the exclusion of all else.

I believe in myself no matter what my size.

truth. AWESOMENESS. #hillary2016

Fri, 06 Apr 2012 08:17:59 -0500

truth. AWESOMENESS. #hillary2016

Gettin' Real

Tue, 17 Jan 2012 19:45:00 -0600

How many times have I screamed and raged and frothed and muttered and generally raged about abusers, privately, publicly and/or online? LOTS.

My brother was arrested on a simple misdemeanor (it sure is anything but simple) domestic assault charge today. He hit his wife, my sister-in-law, while she was holding my niece, their 3-year-daughter. He hit her more than once, and this was not the first time he hit her…just the first time she called the cops.

There are so many variables: they are both unemployed (and unemployable). He has drug abuse issues. Their emotional Intelligence/maturity is low. They got married and had a baby before they were ready. They have (literally) no money. My parents, their main financial and emotional support system, have gone south for the winter. There are infidelity issues.

But what it boils down to is, if it were anyone else, I would have told that woman to get the hell out long ago, and never look back. Once an abuser, always an abuser. It is HIS fault, not hers. Period. End of story. Violence is never the right choice.

And I still believe that. Without a doubt. I’m so livid, so immeasurably pissed off at my brother i can hardy thnk straight. But how do I LIVE that, when it’s my own baby brother who’s the asshole abuser? Is there rehab for assholes? How do I make sure my niece is ok and knows I love her, when my SIL is frankly, scared to let her see me, for fear my brother will somehow intervene?

I’ve never really loved my SIL. We don’t have much in common, and we’re not that close. It feels really weird to “take her side”. But I am clearly not on the side of her abuser.

But her abuse is my brother. I can’t just ignore him. My whole family will be affected by this. What do we say to him? Do with him? Should we be harsh, give ultimatums? Should we offer help (what help can we offer?)

I am so angry at him for being such a…bad person. He is choosing to be a person who does bad things, and I hate him for it. But when I look at his face he is clearly unhappy (and he should be). What do I do? Do I do anything?

I feel like this is where my feminist rubber hits the road. And I’m trying to recite all the mantras, remind myself of what I’d say if this wasn’t my little brother. I have no interest in making excuses for him. Right now, I wish I’d left him to rot in jail instead of bailing him out, but I was so shocked, I just went and paid the stupid money.

I am truly afraid I’ll abandon all my feminist principles when it comes down to it. That I’ll cave in and enable him. I have the most ridiculously overactive imagination, and it tells me he could be a danger to himself, and any cruel or angry words I dish out could only add fuel to that fire. I’m not a fighter…I don’t chew people out or yell and scream in peoples’ faces. It’s not in my nature. But maybe I need to nurture that side of me, and really let him have it???

I feel so lost. My heart is breaking for my sweet niece, and I want my SIL to know that I mean what I say when I tell her she did the right thing, and that it’s not her fault.

I haven’t even talked to my brother yet, or heard his “side of the story”. He didn’t even call to thank me for bailing him out…he texted to say “thanks, I got a ride home.” He’s too afraid of what I’m going to say, I’m sure…too much of a coward, like most abusers. Do I even care about his version of events? Will I even be able to believe a word he says? Do I want to believe him?

What does a feminist do when her own family, her once sweet little brother, turns out to be the abuser? Right now, I think this feminist is just going to cry.

"Most guys, we can recite all of The Godfather, we can recite all of Caddyshack, we can do those..."

Thu, 17 Nov 2011 11:17:37 -0600

“Most guys, we can recite all of The Godfather, we can recite all of Caddyshack, we can do those kinds of things. Women, by and large, can’t. You guys can say “you complete me”, and that’s about it. And I think it’s because in the history of movies, there have been fewer quotable lines spoken by actresses than actors.”

- Aaron Sorkin (follow and join the #LadiesinFilm tag on Twitter to prove him wrong with quotable lines from women across film history. It also occurs to me that if there is any truth to this, Mr. Sorkin, it’s because dudes like you have absolutely no idea how to write for women and dudes like you systematically step on the throats of women writers by spewing sexist crap like this.)

I Feel Defensive: Reflections on My Privilege, My Feminism, and My Reactions to Accusations of Racism

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 12:51:26 -0500

When I hear accusations of racism leveled against feminism in general, and white feminists in particular, I admit that I feel some level of defensiveness, and I want to explore why. Because I claim to be a feminist, I NEED to explore why. This is my honest attempt to do so.

1. I feel defensive because I am a white feminist.

2. I feel defensive because I don’t want to be one of THOSE white feminists (the ones who don’t get it). I want to stand with women of color, differently-abled women, fat women, poor women, immigrant women, LGBTQIA women, etc. and be an ally in every way I can.

3. I feel defensive because I have a crippling need for approval. The idea that I could be criticized for trying to be the best feminist I can be, which is a central identity marker and deep-down, passionate, near-religious commitment of mine, terrifies me. The fear that I could be called out for being wrong on something so incredibly important to me is enough to paralyze me. I acknowledge that this is my ego talking.

4. I feel defensive because I abhor drama, and also I am really annoyed by attempts to throw the baby out with the bathwater. In other words- I actually DO want us all to get along, and I want people to recognize that rarely do all members of a group actually think or feel the same way. Because some white feminists are ignorant of racial implications of their activism, does not mean that all are. I feel generalizations are generally unhelpful. (*smile*) I also recognize that the origins of stereotypes are often kernels of truth. One might generalize white feminists as racist because one has indeed encountered more than one, even more than a few, white feminists who are racist.

5. I feel defensive because I see both sides of activist movements like SlutWalk. I see the empowerment wrought by reclaiming a slur, and I see the discomfort and hurt caused by ignoring the racial implications of that slur. I especially empathize with activists who have spoken out against the sign carried by one SlutWalker which quoted the Lennon/Ono sentiment that “Women are the N* of the World”, and I wholeheartedly agree that it contributed to an atmosphere which would have felt unwelcoming and unsafe to me if I were a woman of color at that march.

6. I feel defensive because I feel guilty.

7. I feel defensive because my voice feels too small to make a difference. What am I supposed to do about it? I’m nobody.

8. I feel defensive because I feel like we should be past all this. But clearly we’re not. Which is primarily the fault of feminists with white/ability/hetero privilege who keep making the same mistakes, over and over again.

9. I feel defensive because I know good and well that I was ignorant of the troublesome and painful racial history of the feminist movement when I first embraced the label. I was blissfully unaware, and didn’t even know how much I didn’t know. It took time (LOTS of time) and a certain level of serious dedication to learning more, of which I feel proud, and hours and hours and hours and HOURS of listening to my elders, for whom I’m so thankful, and a lot of simply paying close attention, for me to get to the level of understanding I now have, which is still not enough.

10. I feel defensive because I feel like I don’t have any sisters to stand with. My midwestern city is so small (100K, give or take a few thousand college students) that we don’t have ANY public activism to speak of. No SlutWalks. No Pride parades. No Hollaback chapter. No marches or sit-ins. I feel guilty that I haven’t started something myself. My excuse is that my job prevents me from having a public role in any sort of political issue. Indeed, my boss actually has prohibited me from things like running for the school board. (Clearly, I need a new job.)

11. I feel defensive because I heard someone use the term ‘retard’ yesterday, and I didn’t say anything. The last time I said something when I heard someone use a slur (in this case, ‘that’s so gay’), I made them cry, and I ended up being the one apologizing. This made me angry.

12. I feel defensive because I’m scared that amazing feminists are forsaking the term ‘feminist’ out of anger and frustration and lack of faith in the movement, and I feel like if we lose our critical mass, we really have no chance.

13. I feel defensive when I read comments about how we (the royal we) are allowing our nation to abuse poor, non-white women around the world in our name. I do not feel that blame should be placed on solely feminist women in this case, white or not. I feel defensive because I hate what my country does in my name, that I don’t even know about, and I don’t know how to stop it without a lot more money than I have, the opportunity to travel to somewhere I can’t afford, or the brilliance to write scathing and inspiring prose to be published on some leftie blog and get retweeted around the world. I have none of these things. I have a Tumblr no one knows about and 277 Twitter followers. I guess I have to start somewhere. But I feel defensive because my reflexive response is to insist that good intentions are enough. I feel defensive because I know that my silence = consent (h/t to Morgane Richardson @Morgane_R for that tweet today).

14. I feel defensive because I am often too literal a thinker. My natural inclination is to categorize, organize and classify in order to break ”wicked problems” down into manageable bite-sized pieces. I know I need to practice more nuanced critical thinking, because wicked problems defy categorization, and intersectionality is real.

15. I feel defensive, because frankly, sometimes it still takes someone else pointing it out before I realize, “A-ha! Now I see why XYZ is problematic!” Even someone like me, who truly, honestly, is trying to check my own privilege every single day, trying to think critically about the messages in the media every single day, trying to find opportunities to talk with others about the pervasive reality of sexism and misogyny and racism every single day…I miss things, because of my privilege. And I feel embarrassed by my remaining blind spots.

16. I feel defensive because I know I am naive to the struggles of so many women and men, and I hate being naïve. I’ve always thought naiveté was insipidly unattractive. I want to know, to be informed, aware.

17. I feel defensive because I am often overwhelmed by inequity, unfairness and the knowledge that humanity is hurting itself and the planet worldwide.

18. I feel defensive because I am often inspired by the amazing thoughts, words and actions of women and men around the world who are trying to create and advance equality for all.

19. I feel defensive because I’m afraid I AM one of those white feminists who don’t get it. I’m afraid my privilege blinds me, and that I will unintentionally hurt others with my ignorance. I generally avoid any lengthy public statements about my feminism, preferring instead the simplicity of Twitter’s character limit, because I fear I will say something ineloquently, or say the wrong thing altogether. I acknowledge this is an excuse.

20. I feel defensive because, while I acknowledge and embrace intersectionality, I feel a little bit fraudulent doing so, because I “only” experience oppression based on my gender and sexual orientation. I feel uncomfortable with the “Who’s more oppressed” framework, but also realize that intersectional oppression is deeply relevant to any understanding of why we have not yet achieved equality.

21. I feel defensive because I want to empower women, especially marginalized women, to be leaders and take on leadership roles, but I don’t feel that I HAVE any power to impart upon others.

22. I feel defensive because I want to do my part to work against racism within the feminist movement, but I don’t know what to do, other than what I’m doing right now. I recognize and honor that educating me about undoing my racism is NOT the responsibility of people of color. I feel defensive because I feel guilty that I’m not being active enough or creative enough in seeking ways to combat racism within feminism.

I don’t know if my fear and defensiveness is a symptom of my age (I am 31, and I sincerely hope some of my fears will fade as I continue through my 30’s and into my 40’s, hopefully garnering more wisdom along the way…), or my geography (literally and socially far from those well-known and impressive feminist activist spaces I so admire), or maybe simply: my privilege. In any case, even though I am no leader in the feminist movement, I believe it’s important that I examine the reasons why I take criticisms of feminism so personally and why I react the way I do. I hope this glaringly honest self-reflection, and continued listening to others with an open mind and heart, will help me discover new ways I can be an ally and stand with marginalized women despite my geographic isolation, financial limitations and fear of making mistakes.

I don’t WANT to react to continued accusations of racism toward mainstream white feminism, because I don’t want feminism to BE racist, I don’t want “mainstream feminism” to BE white, nor do I want white feminists to be short-sighted, closed-minded or ignorant of the implications of their privilege within feminism. I yearn for a movement that truly fulfills feminism’s promise: where all women feel safe, supported, heard and acknowledged for their efforts, experiences and ideas. I feel like we, women, need to get this right. I won’t stop trying to get it right. I hope I can. I hope we can.

“Shouldn’t the 99% be too big to fail?”...

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 12:33:06 -0500

“Shouldn’t the 99% be too big to fail?” #occupywallstreet

there goes MY weekend. commencing detailed exploration of subway map: now. #nyc #weekender #mta #socool

Fri, 16 Sep 2011 16:33:10 -0500

there goes MY weekend. commencing detailed exploration of subway map: now. #nyc #weekender #mta #socool:

T Magazine: Ahead of Its Time | An Icon Goes Digital

The head of the Metropolitan Transportation Authority asked Massimo Vignelli to revise his 1972 map for the MTA’s website.

"Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple."

Tue, 13 Sep 2011 13:38:37 -0500

“Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple.”

- Barry Switzer, former football coach for college and professional teams, giving what I think is a marvelous definition of privilege.

(via cognitivedissonance)

Pretty friggin’ spot on.

(via yarr-metis)

"And it all starts when we say no. We can say no. When someone instructs us to lose weight, to shave,..."

Mon, 15 Aug 2011 18:33:13 -0500

“And it all starts when we say no. We can say no. When someone instructs us to lose weight, to shave, to straighten our hair, to get “in shape”, to wear makeup, to wear less makeup, to dress appropriately, to dress more stylishly, no not that stylishly, to stop standing out, to stop making noise, to stop being so damn large, to stop making excuses, to stop fighting, to just get along, to just do what we tell you, to just buy into this commercial weight-loss plan, to just take these pills, to just have this cosmetic surgery, to just follow instructions, to just know that we’re doing this for your own good, to never walk alone, to never walk alone in that outfit, to never draw attention, because no one wants to see that, because no one wants to see your body, because no one wants to see you.
You can tell them no, and refuse to say more on the subject. No is always an option. It’s a small word, a difficult word, a word that speaks volumes in a single syllable, and one that gets easier to say the more you do it. It’s part of your arsenal, whether you realize it or not, and it’s a powerful weapon.

You can say no.

You don’t have to explain it.

You don’t have to apologize for it.

You can just

say

no.

”

- Lesley Kinzel (via friendlyneighborhoodcurmudgeon)

(via hickiesandhotpants)

Wait, did I miss the time warp? I mean, we must have jumped back...

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 19:11:49 -0500

Wait, did I miss the time warp? I mean, we must have jumped back to the year 1950, right? Right, LTD Commodities?!?!? #parentingfail #humanityfail

Why the Gender Gap Won't Go Away (h/t to @AmandaMarcotte on this GEM)

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 16:40:17 -0500

Why the Gender Gap Won't Go Away (h/t to @AmandaMarcotte on this GEM):

where to begin?

1. SRSLY?

2. yep, women “want” to work less, just like women “want” to shave their legs, right? riiiiight. socialization is silly and overstated!!!

3. “women who can afford it” choose to work less. uh-huh. wouldn’t we ALL LIKE to work less? if we could AFFORD it. hmm, why do i feel like calling BULLSH*T on the idea that just because there ARE more women working part time jobs, that they all WANT to be working part time jobs? What about data re: UNDERemployment? i guess that’s not relevant to this particular propaganda piece.

4. the wage gap is NOT an injustice to women. (maybe if we just keep repeating it, it will be true??) discrimination is a myth. (is it working??)

5. it’s your own fault, sluts/moms. (funny how the same tired rape apologia works here too, huh?)

*headdesk*

Feminism is Back...but did it ever really leave? (Hint: NO)

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 15:40:30 -0500

Feminism is Back...but did it ever really leave? (Hint: NO):

Love the media coverage of this awesome work…don’t love the tired trope about how feminism died, and only young women are now active. So many women have given their while lives to the cause of equality, for decades, and they never stopped working or fighting. They simply became less attractive to the mainstream narrative (aka no longer young, “beautiful”, whatever), so we stopped hearing about them.

Nevertheless, keep up the great work, Brits!!

Planning a future WITHOUT parenthood. #MyPP #Iowa #feminismmatters

Thu, 07 Jul 2011 09:59:00 -0500

I was 19, a college sophomore, about to marry my high school boyfriend, and scared to death. Despite the fairy tale wedding I was planning, I did NOT want to have any babies any time soon (I’m just not the mommy type). But I got no suggestions from my conservative religious family, no whispered secret advice from mother to daughter (despite the fact that my mother didn’t have her first baby until years after she married my father…magic? Luck? Right.). I was on my own, and needed to figure out how to prevent what, for me, would be a real nightmare: pregnancy.

I knew needed birth control, but I didn’t have insurance or a family doctor I could go to, and no one I trusted seemed to consider that “then comes a baby in a baby carriage” might not be what I actually wanted for my life. No one even casually mentioned to me that I might want to think about how to prevent that from happening. It became (for me) like the huge, unmentionable elephant in the room. I was still very involved in religion at that point, and we were all so good at avoiding the uncomfortable topics. If we don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist, right? Sex (when you’re married) is fine, but don’t expect to get any guidance on real life scenarios like avoiding pregnancy while still a teenager (even a married one), in college, with no money. You’re on your own with that one, sister.

As my wedding neared, I began to feel sort of split in two: one part of me thought, “Everyone must simply assume I’m smart and capable enough to handle it myself” (which I guess I was in the end), but the other part of me thought, “How can it occur to NO ONE that I would be concerned about this?? I’m just a kid, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here! Why won’t anyone give me any advice???”

So I nervously called the only place I figured I could go for help with what seemed at the time to be a dirty little secret. And having grown up in such a conservative environment, I can tell you, that call was one of the hardest I’ve ever made in my life. I felt like I was betraying every christian principle I’d ever been taught. I was making a deal with the devil. I was ashamed and scared, not only of my “predicament”, but for who I was turning to in my hour of need.

Planned Parenthood was quite literally a saving grace for me. The staff was incredibly kind, reassuring, patient and friendly. They provided me with a student/low-income discount so I could afford contraception. They understood that my religious involvement warranted discretion. They were my primary source of health care during my entire marriage, which lasted three years. I cannot even imagine what might have happened if I hadn’t called Planned Parenthood and received such exemplary care. It’s hard to fathom where I might be today, over a decade later, if I’d had a baby during my marriage. Most horrifying of all, I might still be married to my unfaithful, attempted rapist, drug-abusing husband (*shudder*).

Now, I’m ashamed of how ignorant and naive I was at that time - of the ridiculous notions I had bought into about Planned Parenthood’s reputation - of believing that this vital healthcare organization actually operated in some kind of nefarious ways that were diametrically opposed to my (and any good person’s) religious principles. Now I know that in fact, Planned Parenthood is truly saving lives, because they saved mine.

I am so thankful for the care I received, both physical and psychological, from my local Planned Parenthood. I’m so grateful that they were able to answer all my questions, assess my health, and help me plan my future - one withOUT parenthood. I am quite certain that if I’d had an unwanted child at such a young age, with my ex-husband, with no money, I would not have had the courage to leave my unhealthy marriage, come out, attend the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival for the first time, build my career, embrace feminism, pursue my master’s degree, or live authentically in any way. I would have been stuck in a life I never wanted. (And I also think it’s safe to assume I would have cost the government a LOT more money if Planned Parenthood hadn’t helped me avoid unwanted pregnancy. Hello Medicaid.)

In my estimation, Planned Parenthood exemplifies the very highest of moral values: caring for “the least of these”, respecting and empowering those that society tries to render powerless (i.e. women, especially poor women, WOC, young women, etc.). I cannot give PP, particularly Planned Parenthood of the Heartland, a strong enough endorsement. My story is simply about a naive young girl’s search for contraception…it’s not dramatic or shocking. But for me, in my little life, Planned Parenthood made ALL the difference.

Thanks to Tami of What Tami Said and Melissa of Shakesville for creating and hosting the #MyPP blog carnival today! Check out their amazing work!

"Casey Anthony was found not guilty of murdering her daughter, as the American public stands by in..."

Thu, 07 Jul 2011 08:51:25 -0500

“Casey Anthony was found not guilty of murdering her daughter, as the American public stands by in shock and awe. In other news, millions of sick and dying American children and adults still don’t have healthcare, to the shock and awe of absolutely nobody.”

- Unknown (previously attributed to Jon Stewart) (via exhaustedeyes)

Gender Wars

Thu, 23 Jun 2011 11:21:29 -0500

Slightly ironic set of stories I’ve run across in the past 12 hours.

The End of Gender? (via @nprnews)

“Also, if parents did not buy into the gender stereotyping of children’s toys and clothes, kids would stay open-minded longer during childhood. The goal is to keep girls physically active, curious and assertive, and boys sensitive, verbal and studious.”

Girls and Boys (via Happily Ever After)

“I mean, no one had to teach her to put a baby on one hip and talk on the phone at the same time, right?? She’s definitely immitating her Mama yes, but she’s also got very instinctive impulses that encourage her to nurture and multi-task because she’s a girl. There is no way to sum up in a few words the broad implications of being a girl and the many ways girls are different, but it’s as clear as day to me that I definitely have a GIRL and a BOY and even in these early years, they are not the same.”