Planning a future WITHOUT parenthood. #MyPP #Iowa #feminismmatters
I was 19, a college sophomore, about to marry my high school boyfriend, and scared to death. Despite the fairy tale wedding I was planning, I did NOT want to have any babies any time soon (I’m just not the mommy type). But I got no suggestions from my conservative religious family, no whispered secret advice from mother to daughter (despite the fact that my mother didn’t have her first baby until years after she married my father…magic? Luck? Right.). I was on my own, and needed to figure out how to prevent what, for me, would be a real nightmare: pregnancy.
I knew needed birth control, but I didn’t have insurance or a family doctor I could go to, and no one I trusted seemed to consider that “then comes a baby in a baby carriage” might not be what I actually wanted for my life. No one even casually mentioned to me that I might want to think about how to prevent that from happening. It became (for me) like the huge, unmentionable elephant in the room. I was still very involved in religion at that point, and we were all so good at avoiding the uncomfortable topics. If we don’t talk about it, it doesn’t exist, right? Sex (when you’re married) is fine, but don’t expect to get any guidance on real life scenarios like avoiding pregnancy while still a teenager (even a married one), in college, with no money. You’re on your own with that one, sister.
As my wedding neared, I began to feel sort of split in two: one part of me thought, “Everyone must simply assume I’m smart and capable enough to handle it myself” (which I guess I was in the end), but the other part of me thought, “How can it occur to NO ONE that I would be concerned about this?? I’m just a kid, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here! Why won’t anyone give me any advice???”
So I nervously called the only place I figured I could go for help with what seemed at the time to be a dirty little secret. And having grown up in such a conservative environment, I can tell you, that call was one of the hardest I’ve ever made in my life. I felt like I was betraying every christian principle I’d ever been taught. I was making a deal with the devil. I was ashamed and scared, not only of my “predicament”, but for who I was turning to in my hour of need.
Planned Parenthood was quite literally a saving grace for me. The staff was incredibly kind, reassuring, patient and friendly. They provided me with a student/low-income discount so I could afford contraception. They understood that my religious involvement warranted discretion. They were my primary source of health care during my entire marriage, which lasted three years. I cannot even imagine what might have happened if I hadn’t called Planned Parenthood and received such exemplary care. It’s hard to fathom where I might be today, over a decade later, if I’d had a baby during my marriage. Most horrifying of all, I might still be married to my unfaithful, attempted rapist, drug-abusing husband (*shudder*).
Now, I’m ashamed of how ignorant and naive I was at that time - of the ridiculous notions I had bought into about Planned Parenthood’s reputation - of believing that this vital healthcare organization actually operated in some kind of nefarious ways that were diametrically opposed to my (and any good person’s) religious principles. Now I know that in fact, Planned Parenthood is truly saving lives, because they saved mine.
I am so thankful for the care I received, both physical and psychological, from my local Planned Parenthood. I’m so grateful that they were able to answer all my questions, assess my health, and help me plan my future - one withOUT parenthood. I am quite certain that if I’d had an unwanted child at such a young age, with my ex-husband, with no money, I would not have had the courage to leave my unhealthy marriage, come out, attend the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival for the first time, build my career, embrace feminism, pursue my master’s degree, or live authentically in any way. I would have been stuck in a life I never wanted. (And I also think it’s safe to assume I would have cost the government a LOT more money if Planned Parenthood hadn’t helped me avoid unwanted pregnancy. Hello Medicaid.)
In my estimation, Planned Parenthood exemplifies the very highest of moral values: caring for “the least of these”, respecting and empowering those that society tries to render powerless (i.e. women, especially poor women, WOC, young women, etc.). I cannot give PP, particularly Planned Parenthood of the Heartland, a strong enough endorsement. My story is simply about a naive young girl’s search for contraception…it’s not dramatic or shocking. But for me, in my little life, Planned Parenthood made ALL the difference.
Thanks to Tami of What Tami Said and Melissa of Shakesville for creating and hosting the #MyPP blog carnival today! Check out their amazing work!
